Beth Shalom
Oceanside Jewish Center

Seperating What We Want From What We Need
Parshat Vayetze -5764

December 6, 2003

If there’s one passage in this week’s Torah portion that has troubled students of Torah throughout the ages, it is Jacob’s vow to God. Having dreamed of a ladder, “stationed on earth and reaching up to heaven,” with angels going up and coming down, and having heard God’s promise that He would make Jacob a great nation and bring him home, our forefather awakens with a sense of wonder and awe. He says, “This is none other than the abode of God and the gate of heaven.”

Consecrating the stone on which he had rested his head just that night, Jacob makes a promise: “If God remains with me and protects me on this journey and gives me bread to eat and clothing to wear, and if I return safely to my father’s house “ the Lord will be my God, and this stone which I have set up as a pillar shall be God’s abode and I will set aside a tithe for You from all that you give me.”

There are no less than three problems with this passage. To begin with Jacob sounds like he is playing “Let’s make a deal,” with God. He promises that he’ll consecrate ten percent of his possessions to the Lord if God simply gets him out of a pickle. In effect he is saying “If you scratch my back I’ll scratch yours.” Jacob sounds like the person who, the night before surgery, promises to make a large contribution to charity or vows to attend services every Shabbat for the rest of his life if God allows him to survive the anesthesia. It seems to me that it’s unseemly and insincere to bargain with God in this fashion, though I suspect we’ve all done it at one time or another.

Second, God has already promised the very things for which Jacob is now asking. So what’s the point of making the vow in the first place? God told Jacob “I will protect you and I will bring you back to this land,” and that’s exactly what Jacob prays for! Apparently, Jacob doesn’t believe that God will do all the things that God has just promised him. This leaves us thinking that Jacob isn’t such a man of faith.

And finally, and maybe most troubling of all, Jacob appears to make his faith contingent on God’s fulfillment of his petition. What does our forefather mean when he says that if God takes cares of him and brings him home, “the Lord will be my God?” Does this mean that if Jacob doesn’t get exactly what he asked for, he’ll stop believing in God? I imagine that if most of us made our faith contingent on getting what we want we would have stopped believing in God long ago. After all, life is filled with disappointments.

So Jacob’s vow troubles us. It seems to reflect a lack of faith or, at the very least, bad manners. It doesn’t say much for forefather Jacob either, though to be honest; Jacob hasn’t really impressed us until this point in the book of Genesis. How do we explain this seemingly strange request that Jacob makes? Is he really bargaining with God? What’s the point of this statement?

The Midrash, as well as Rashi and Rashbam partially solve the problems presented by Jacob’s vow by suggesting that the word “then” should follow and not precede the words, “the Lord will be my God.” Most people read this passage, “If God gives me food and shelter and brings me home, ‘Then the Lord will be my God’ ” Read this way Jacob sounds like he is threatening God. But that is only one translation of the Hebrew text. Read my way, this passage Jacob asks that he return home in peace, that he be given food and clothing and that the Lord be his God.” And only then does he say, “Then I will make this place a house of God and give a tithe to you,”

In other words Jacob acknowledges that without God’s presence he cannot succeed in his journey. Making the Lord his God is not the condition of the vow but part of the request that Jacob makes. But this doesn’t solve our problem with Jacob or his lack of faith in God’s promise to him. He stills seems to be saying do these things and only then I will build you a temple and make a nice contribution!

I’d like to suggest another way of reading Jacob’s vow. Look carefully at what Jacob asks of God: food, clothing, shelter, safe passage, and a sense of faith. His requests are really quite simple. He doesn’t ask for riches or fame. He doesn’t even ask to overcome his brother who has threatened to kill him or that God give him the land that was promised to Abraham and Isaac. Jacob only asks for those things that are necessary for human survival. While we may question his maturity in bargaining with God, we can respect his wisdom. Jacob knows the difference between human needs and human desires. He does not ask for the things he wants - he simply asks God to help him find the things that he knows that he needs to survive.

And what does he offer in return? Jacob promises to be a faithful servant; to serve God and dedicate himself to the Holy One. In effect Jacob tells God, “Lord I want to worship you. I want to dedicate my life to you. But I can’t do this if I’m hungry, thirsty or scared. The only way I can serve you is by finding the necessary resources for survival, both physical and spiritual. I’m asking for nothing more and nothing less.

So very often we confuse our needs with our wants. Living in a consumer driven society we’re constantly being told that we need something new: a new car, the latest computer, and the more stylish outfit. Our lives will be empty without that special something - another trip, a new trinket, or maybe a beautiful piece of jewelry. We allow things to define us. Our desires drive us forward to earn more so that we can acquire as much as we can.

At this time of year, in particular, we’re inundated with more and more suggestions for new wants. Our children and grandchildren are dazzled by the latest toys and gadgets. What will this year’s hot item be? Chanukah passes and our kids loose interest in the things they just said they desperately needed. Today’s toys will gather dust in some forgotten corner tomorrow. We give in to our children’s harangue: “But I have to haaaavvvve it!”

But, let’s ask ourselves - what do we really need? Our lives are weighed down by too much stuff. As I look around my own house I wonder how it got that way - there are so many things. It’s not that I don’t value what I have. It’s just that I know deep down that I could manage just as well with so much less.

There are many reasons that we pray according to the Jewish tradition. We pray to give thanks, to rediscover our faith, to seek forgiveness and to make petitions. I’d like to suggest that another reason we pray is to learn to distinguish what we need from what we want in life. Pray allows us to define our authentic needs.

But we don’t simply ask for the things that we need either. We give _expression to them so that we can become partners with God in acquiring them. And we speak about them so that when we finally do get them we will still feel a sense of gratitude to God. It is so easy to become self satisfied and congratulatory. We need to remind ourselves that we didn’t do it by ourselves. Everything is a product of partnership. Jacob understood this. He asks for food, shelter and security but when he arrives in Harran he immediately set out making these happen in his life. He doesn’t wait for God to do it for him. Jacob knew he couldn’t live without God but he also knew he couldn’t become dependent on God either.

The middle section of the daily Amida contains thirteen prayers of petition. We ask for health, food and protection from those who would harm us. We ask for forgiveness and we ask for the opportunity to bring about a return to Zion. But most interesting is the first of these thirteen petitions: “You endow human beings with knowledge and teach mortals understanding. Grant us knowledge, understanding and discernment.”

The first thing we pray for each day is the ability to have the intellectual resources to take care of ourselves from that everything else follows.

When we come to synagogue, then, I believe it’s just as important to take the time to think about what we are going to pray for as it is to pray. If we can learn to distinguish our actual needs from our illusionary wants than we will have accomplished something truly great!

Shabbat Shalom